It’s a bitter irony that 12 Strong was released only three years before Kabul fell faster than Kevin Spacey’s career. Then again, this movie has as much to do with the war in Afghanistan as the Arab uprising has to do with Lawrence of Arabia — which is exactly where director Nicolai Fuglsig and screenwriters Ted Tally and Peter Craig seem to have gotten their idea of General Dostum (Navid Negahban), whom they have filtered through George C. Scott's Patton, and given a Historical Hero Upgrade.

Generally speaking, the film lives in its very own fantasy world. Granted, most movies take liberties, but what 12 Strong does is more akin to libertinage. It purports to depict "one of the US military's most stunning achievements," which Al Quaeda "considers ... to be their worst defeat."

The former... sure, why not? As for the latter, though, Al Quaeda may or may not consider it its "worst defeat," but even if they did, methinks they wouldn’t be caught dead admitting it, so the question is, who exactly is your source?

Furthermore, we learn that the real-life General Dostum and Captain Mitch Nelson (Chris Hemsworth) "remain close friends to this day" — which means that you’re never too old to have an imaginary friend, what with Mitch Nelson being a fictional character and all (based on Green Beret commander Mark Nutsch, who I assume had the good sense to not want to be associated with this dumpster fire).