I'd rate this one an UGH out of 10 if I could.

This movie is prancing along like a romantic comedy, when, on what seems to be their second or third date, Oliver and Irena have this perplexing conversation.

guy: do you love me?
girl: mm-hmm
guy: you know I've never kissed you?
*girl looks away in dread*
guy: well isn't that funny?
girl: why?
guy: well, when people in America are in love, or even think they're in love, they've usually kissed long ago
*girl looks even more troubled*
guy: Irena, what's wrong?
girl: I've lived in dread of this moment

She hints at, but does not tell Oliver, what the viewer has probably read on the back of the Laserdisc/VHS/DVD/Blu-Ray box depending on the era, but which I'll mark as a spoiler because I'm a decent human being: [spoiler]she's not 100% sure, but is panicked by the idea that, when she kisses (_or more_) her first lover, she's afraid she'll turn into a giant black panther and rip him to pieces.[/spoiler]

At first, I had hoped that this would turn out to be a metaphor for asexuality and/or sexual repression. If you don't know the difference, I would tell you to educate yourself, but then neither does the psychiatrist character in this movie. He immediately chalks Irena's problems up to daddy issues and childhood bullying, and sends her on her merry way.

Unfortunately, the movie soon collapses into a jumble of mismatched horror scenes. [spoiler] Irena stalks the night as a panther and kills some sheep because... reasons? Oliver falls in love with a woman who can satisfy him who is not **totally a closeted asexual.** Dr. Judd, the hypnotherapist from hell (and fake-Britain, judging by his ridiculous accent,) tries to seduce Irena because he is the worst doctor in the world, and in her arousal (?) she rips him to pieces. And then she dies. [/spoiler]

Wait... what?

What was the point of making Irena so sympathetic and relatable, if [spoiler] you were just going to moralize that lust is bad [/spoiler] with her, anyway?

For me, this movie was a non-stop frustration-fest.

The best part is, this movie was a **huge,** unqualified success at the box office. It made 4 million dollars. In 1942 money.

What the actual f-- OKAY, the acting is good, bordering on great, and there's this delicious film noire atmosphere that made me want to keep watching even when the film went off the rails. The characters were well-painted, even the ones I didn't care for. But this movie gives you half of one thing and half of another.

I want the whole psychological study or the whole creature feature.

I don't go to "Citizen Kane" waiting for the moment he sprouts a praying mantis head!

And you know what happens at the end of "Laura?" She doesn't turn into the fifty foot woman!

I didn't go to "Gaslight" expecting it to turn into "Dracula" halfway through! Maybe that's a bad example. That last one sounds pretty cool.

Anyway, yeah. To reiterate. I know I watched a horror movie. I know I pressed play on the horror movie I dvr-ed, expecting the horror movie. But the first half of the movie showed me that it could have been so, _so_ much more. And that is just as tantalizing as [spoiler] Irena's almost-happiness in a world that didn't understand her. [/spoiler]