If this had have been half an hour shorter it would have just been a bad film, instead it powered through two hours and reached tedium.

The story was trite, the script a bit lame and mostly the acting was only passable. I found only two of the characters to be engaging; Young Conan (Leo Howard) and Marique (Rose McGowan).

As young Conan Leo Howard had something to work with in terms of Conan and I thought he did well with it; once Conan is an adult any kind development stops so Momoa just has to flex and speak at the same time.

Rose McGowan in that costume, that make up and those claws... speaks volumes about me but there was some drool.

Stephen Lang played Stephen Lang so tick that box if you need to.

Could have done with a little more Ron Perlman, but I think that with anything I see with him it (except Drive - see shout)

Overall it's pretty forgettable.

Weak Cimmerian Sauce!
[that sounds awful]