There's this thing about modern action movies where I sometimes don't quite understand who they're made for anymore. This is a really good example of that. In fact, this movie is so bad that even the dads who collectively skip the ~~mature~~ 'boring' films will most likely turn their noses up for it. It's appropriately stupid and over the top, but completely devoid of any charm, blood, humor, sex or fun. There's attempts at gore and comedy, but executed in a way where I don't see it satisfying anyone. Take Alison Brie, who plays this annoying millennial reporter stereotype who's obsessed with her phone, or John Cena, who's given the bland soldier/family guy type of role Dwayne Johnson has been playing for the past ten years. Every single character acts like a doofus, a child, or both. Nudity and intimacy are portrayed through a bunch of stiff, awkward interactions where our main characters act like teenagers who are experiencing new feelings. Our story is set in this fictional narcos-state, but the generic score and glossy, bright cinematography refuse to create a distuingishable atmosophere. It's all so infantile and annoying, yet it somehow ended up with an R-rating. It's not trying to be a romcom like _Romancing the Stone_, it's not a swashbuckling adventure like _Jumanji_, it's this formless, nondescript thing that's made for everyone and therefore made for no one. The action is also really poorly staged and shot, I don't understand how this is the same director who made _Banlieu 13_ 20 years ago (which is this interesting French parkour stunt reel/B-movie, I'd recommend watching that instead). The story is derivative and instantly forgettable, with every character dynamic or arc feeling lame and trite, but somehow that's the least of this movie's problems. Avoid at all cost.

1/10