An abandoned mansion on a Japanese hilltop lures unmarried women to stay the night, whereupon a restless spirit vexes and devours them in trippy, spectacular ways. This movie is completely bananas. Helmed by an experimental director best known for his TV commercials, almost entirely served by a cast of inexperienced young models, obviously cut-rate, recklessly over-ambitious and profoundly silly, it's basically one big, meaty glut of Lynchian absurdism and DIY avant garde, wrapped in the fabric of a Hammer horror movie.

We see seven schoolgirls experience this terror, each helpfully christened to suit their solitary character trait (Melody is a musician, Prof likes books, Kung Fu can fight, etc.) and each punished in kind. Highlights include a finger-hungry piano (guess which girl meets that fate), bleeding walls, clocks and mirrors, disembodied flying/biting heads and acid baths. All the scenery washes and flows like a bad dream, with only thematic scraps and a loose narrative connecting the dots; confusing and overwhelming in all the best (and many of the worst) ways. That it's so technically clunky is part of its charm, like those cheesy mid-'80s music videos that try to have a plot. Special effects in the late 1970s just weren't capable of accomplishing this level of crazy, yet _House_ presses on regardless, shooting its shot and beaming with pride.

Nothing can prepare you for this. An unimaginable blend of _Twin Peaks_ and _The Room_ with a potent spike of Japanese cultural weirdness, I wouldn't say I loved it, but I certainly couldn't tear my eyes from it.