SPOILERS (or a dream?)

We open with some joyriders who are doing around 200 mph. Crash! From the wreckage a woman escapes into a house. Next scene is a man that wanted to go to restaurant called Winkies because.... a dream told him so. Then he desribes the dark weird dream, which has no real purpose but sounds cool and sets up that familular Lych atmosphere. Naomi Watts who plays Betty arrives in L.A to live out... a dream. Watt's parents drives away with bizzare smiles because why not it looks creepy and probably means something deep that's above me. Betty arrives at a house and the character of Coco enters. She seems nice enough and is played well. Least she has a personality. Hope it's not a dream or vision. The house is convincingly made to look subtly eerie. Good job. This movie is well shot at times.

It's all beginning to seem a little vague and slow and I wonder how long it will be like this. Betty finds Rita (from the crash) in the house and seems caring and clingy. Betty is also very childlike which probably means something later.

Now we see director Adam arrive at Ryan Entertainment. There is a big deal about him picking a female actress for his movie or whatever. A seedy underbelly is shown via a weird room (not like Twin Peaks at all.) A photo of Camilla is shown and to Adam's dissaproval she aparently must be the actress in the role. All this just doesn't seem interesting as it's predictable from Lynch. Least some dynamic and mystery element is being set up. There is an angry incident involving coffee and people are in fear (not like Frank from Blue Velvet at all) and Adam leaves. I would have too. I hate coffee spills.

In the weird room (not the red room) there is the same guy from Twin Peaks but he swaps talking backwards for a voice box. Nice to see he's moved with the times and embraced technology. He says 'shut down everything.'

Some chuckle brother slapstick assasin kills for a black book full of actors names. More mystery. I should put my deerstalker hat on for this.

Rita has amnesia. There is an attempt to make a tense scene out of opening a purse but it didn't work. They didn't find any I.D for Rita. They should really go to the cops but for some reason they are suspicious for no good reason. Why didn't she look in the purse before? What's she been doing? More mystery and vague visions happen. Well it has been a few minutes since the last ones.

Adam is home and is thrown out by a cheating wife. Meanwhile Betty and Rita hide the purse. Why? They go for a coffee at Winkies, which means something to Rita but oh she doesn't know why. Amnesia is always good for mysteries for this purpose.

Adam's money is halted and he's held to randsom and plans a meeting a mystery man to sort this out. A weird lady (not the log lady) calls on Betty and Rita's room to say someone is in trouble. Pointless really. Adam meets the guy under a flickering Lych light that probably means something way over my head about dreams, reality or existentialism. The man Adam meets looks like disgraced porn director Max Hardcore. Probably some clever Lynch choice and a commentary on something bigger than life itself? Max Hardcore proceeds with some cryptic and pseudo-intellectual questions in that way all smart asses in pretentious films do. If you want a character to seem deep but haven't got a character to work with or he's not on screen long just be cryptic. Works for the Coens too. Adam gets a second chance if he accepts Camilla for the role. He agrees. Max hardcore says if you see me once again it's good but twice is bad.

Betty goes for an audition. It goes well. Then cue some 50's sounding music because that's also original. Betty is taken to another audition and she sees Adam and runs off. More mystery? Thanks. When are we gonna get answers? Sorry Dave. I didn't mean to question you. Forgive me.

Betty and Rita are snooping around a housing place because Rita had a feeling she was called Diane and lived there. Note: A feeling is different from a dream. Never get these two mixed or the plot becomes stupid. The neighbour at this housing place is... mysterious. Betty and Rita discover a body in Dianne's home. Instead of going to the cops they go home for some lesbian romp. To be honest I would have too. Have you seen them?

Betty says she's in love. Does that supposed to mean something because nothing else has. See the problem? When you mix sincerity with so much mystery and dream shit you get shit on your sincerity. It's hard to differenciate when your set up is purposely hazy. Sorry Dave I didn't mean to... no Dave don't. No!

Betty wakes up as Rita starts talking crazy in her... dream? Or maybe an awakening dream? Massive difference. If you don't think so then eat shit and die because you don't get it. Go and watch mainstream stuff. Go on! Idiot.

Where was i? So the now lesbian couple (I'm not complaining) go to some weird (obviously) theatre at 2am. Hang on, are those theatre curtains the curtains from the red room in twin peaks? Clearly a symbolic message about poverty be re-using ideas. Lynch is a genius. Why are they there anyway? Oh yeah a feeling. A feeling from a dream or an awakened dream state. I do the same. I once went to McDonalds at 2am becuase of a dream. Someone sings the song Crying on the stage. Don't worry it's not like Blue Velvet because it's in a different language... is that the stage from Eraserhead but with colour? The volume of the whole Crying performance is pretty bad. I think it tries to be loud and powerfu by standing alone loud with a bit of reverb but it's annoying. Betty pulls a weird cube object from her purse. Where did that come from? Do purses hold all the secrets in this movie? I do hope a pin headed man appears. Oh look the key fits the box. Remember the key? Well there was a key before. Whatever. Did Betty have the box all along?... So Rita opens the box and looks in and... did you expect answers? Just go and watch Transformers or something because inside was mystery and weirdness.

Max Hardcore appears to wake up a girl then dissapears fast. Maybe he's late for some pee pee movie shoot with a damaged whore? But wait. This isn't the same reality. Now Betty is called Dianne. Betty is really Dianne. Rita is Camilla. This is too much I need a lesbian sex scene and I get one. Thanks Dave. You're always there for me. After the sex Dianne is upset at Rita for some reason and it's all some mans fault (Adam.) So now we have a love triangle but who gives a rats ass? Dianne is sad and fingers herself whilst crying which is obviously a methaphor for vunerability and pain as the tears were probably used as lube which means.... maybe Max Hardcore dropped by and gave her a DVD?

Dianne gets a call to go to Mulholland Drive. Do I even care about these characters? Nope. Do I even care about the story? Not really.

Coco is really Adams mother. Rita is just a user of women and Dianne is upset. Boo hoo you went with a whore, you were probaboy a whore, and you were in love and so you had to die. Seriously? These people are horrid. Adam and Rita are about to deliver some good news. We never find out what it was exactly because that would have been too obvious and revealing. In the background we see Max Hardcore. What did he say about being seen twice gain? OMG Lynch is a genius because he followed through on an obvious subplot and I feel clever for connecting the dot. Everyone wins. Maybe when the guy in the red room said 'shut it down' maybe he was talking about Diannes life. Maybe he was like the heart or soul. I just ejacualted and it's all thanks to Lynch. Maybe Bettymwas very childlike and innocent and curious because her acting a dream manifested from childhood? To be honest Naomi Watts did a good job with that.

After the Mulholland Drive part Dianne is now talking to the chuckle brother assasin and shows him a Camilla photo. She hands him cash. He gives her a key for when it's done and when she asks what it's for he answers.... well he laughs a mysterious laugh.
Next some weird open meaning images instead of real writing and a conclusion, including her parents as weird burrower creatures. I hope that idea becomes a spin off comedy movie. Looks fun. Then Dianne's suicide happens. Was a gun in the box? Did the chuckle brother know she wouldn't be able to live with herself? Does it matter? Some attempt at emotional music and sadness at Dianne's death but meh......Some weird woman whispers next to maybe a symbolic final curtain on that stage. END


This is a stretched out mystery idea with no good characters and half a plot. Dreams and feelings and weirdness are fillers for character development and plot development. It encapsulates a dream well sometimes but like a dream it's best to forget about it. There were things that meant things later on but there were also many things that were pointless. Loosest mystery ever. I'm not really gonna watch it back 10 times to make a theory either. I've read theories and they still don't make anything of this movie. Even it the elements were made I to a coherent plot it would be mediocre at best. Having a cryptic puzzle that makes half sense doesn't make a good movie. Doesn't matter how you dress it up in surrealism or who makes it. Doesn't matter if some dots get connected or some don't to leaves more questions. The mystery itself was plain awful. As a viewer i never had the avenues of possibilities of characters to surmise theories. Instead we get over two hours of let's hope all this unravels and pays off, and it doesn't. Actually it wasn't a mystery. It was leaving questions on purpose to create a pseudo mystery and enhanced with weirdness. If it somehow did all come together at the end I could maybe least understand the point and respect it. I hear about how movies don't have to stick to normal narratives. I know! But it still has to be good. If Lord Lynch has such a good imagimation (I've seen people say this) then why does he use the same old ideas? Maybe he's the biggest troll ever. He's become a cliché. Also we didnt care about the characters because the movie had no emotional core. He makes a good looking movie (if not unoriginal now) but as far as story telling in these types of movies he shambolic.