If you think you’ve seen too many movies & tv shows that star Eva Green while she’s surrounded by external forces with unknown motives & origins…think again.

As with every good film these days, the less one knows about it before seeing it, the better one’s viewing experience will be.

[Note: It’s more than a little depressing that it’s STILL very necessary to remind others to go into a movie “blind” – so to speak. (As if it’s some sort of “pro-tip” or “life hack” for watching movies haha.) This should be widely understood an objective truth and inviolable aspect of reality, and yet…but I digress…Are you still here? Oh, just you eh? Alright, I’ll finish my non-spoiler review. But just because you were patient enough to stick around.]

Horror, as you [should] know by now, is the only kind of story that actually matters.¹ Horror is what happens when no one else is looking, and the god you’ve bet would protect you from any kind of dangerous cosmic forces happens to be in league with those exact forces, (or the god you placed your bets on ended up being a false imagining…sorry, maybe next time you’ll last longer, if there is a “next time,” but I wouldn’t count on there being one…

So what is this movie ABOUT, anyway? Well you’ve no doubt watched a trailer & probably skimmed the synopsis, so why read a review before you’ve watched it??? Did you honestly think I would “share the goods” – in a NON-SPOILER REVIEW – especially after opening my review with a preamble about how crucial it is to go into Horror movies completely blind? (If you did expect me to tell you anything about this film, then that’s adorably naïve or possibly even super embarrassing for you.

:asterisk_symbol::asterisk_symbol:tl;dr – If you watch GOOD Horror movies, then you won’t want to miss this one. While there are a number of things I would have liked to see executed better (or a little differently), the overall result is another notch in the expansive catalogue of all-time-genre-icon Eva Green’s AMAZING performances. BEST EXPERIENCED AT NIGHT, ALONE (or if not alone then make sure others watching keep quiet and pay attention) WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTIONS OR UNNECESSARY DISTRACTIONS (leave your phone, tablet, laptop, and any/all hand held devices in another room, then close the door to that room for safe keeping ಠ◡ಠ). I don’t know what you want to hear at this point. Watch it or don’t watch it. BUT DON’T YOU DARE WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF THE HORROR GENRE. OR IF YOU JUST PLAN TO DOOMSCROLL YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FEEDS THE WHOLE RUNTIME. IF YOU NORMALLY “watch” MOVIES & TV SHOWS THIS WAY YOU ARE – and this is actually true – NOT WATCHING THEM AT ALL. WHEN YOU REMOVE YOUR PHONES & LAPTOPS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, AND REFRAIN FROM TALKING OR MAKING BAD JOKES THE ENTIRE TIME DURING A MOVIE, THAT IS THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF EFFORT YOU COULD GIVE TO A MOVIE…LET YOURSELF BE VULNERABLE & WATCH THESE KINDS OF FILMS AS THEY WERE INTENDED TO BE SEEN – THE WAY THAT HUNDREDS (or thousands!) OF PEOPLE WHO HELPED MAKE A FILM EXPECTED FUTURE VIEWERS TO EXPERIENCE THEIR WORK.:asterisk_symbol::asterisk_symbol:

/rant

[1]: I assume some people may disagree with this remark. That’s okay. I understand why they take issue with it: :asterisk_symbol:they know it’s true but don’t want to admit it to themselves.:asterisk_symbol: It must be exhausting to live like that – constantly having to lie to yourself just to get through the day. COPE & SEETHE, HORROR DENIERS. COPE & SEETHE.

Just God awful. This movie is supposed to be a woke message about the abuse and suffering that people in sweatshops go through. All wrapped up in a cringe horror flim that doesn't know what it wants to be. Everything about this movie is just terrible with the exception of Eva Green and Mark Strong.