[7.3/10] *Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales* has problems, and I’m not just referring to its cumbersome title. It’s too long. It includes an unnecessary Jack Sparrow origin story. And it is more than a little sexist. But it is also the only *Pirates* movie since the original that’s worth a damn.

It achieves that feat (which, in fairness, is no great accomplishment), by going back to basics. The film isn’t exactly a carbon copy of *Curse of the Black Pearl*, but it borrows the essential elements of that film. Once again, Jack Sparrow is the agent of chaos disrupting the lives of two strait(er)-laced young lovers who begrudgingly need him for their own individual quests. Once again there is a scary, ghostly villain with a grudge against Jack. Once again there is only one MacGuffin that everyone is after, with the complications that come from chasing it down.

The result is that *Dead Men Tell No Tales* breaks little new ground, but it also doesn’t need to. While the character writing isn’t nearly as clear, the surprise 2003 hit makes for a good blueprint for popcorn flicks the world over. Even a slight remix, done with the right level of levity and spectacle, makes for an enjoyable cinematic ride, which is more than the previous three entries in the franchise’s pantheon can say for themselves.

The movie tells the story of Henry Turner, son of Will and Elizabeth, seeking out Poisedon’s Trident in the hopes that it will break his father’s curse. Along the way, he crosses paths with Captain Salazar, the hollowed out zombie of a cursed ship who’s after the trident himself and tells Henry he’ll need Jack’s compass to find it. But he also runs into Carina Smyth, the headstrong, science-minded woman who aims to use the stars and a book from her long lost father to find the island where the trident’s supposedly hidden. Of course, it wouldn't be a *Pirates* movie without Barbosa, so he too is in search of the trident and makes deals with Salazar, Jack, and the rest of the usual lot to find it.

That may seem like a lot, but rather than elaborate, multi-faceted trinket chases that have consumed prior entries, everyone here is basically after the same thing, albeit for different reasons. Jack wants to restore his luck. Salazar wants power and revenge. Henry wants to erase the curse from his father, and Carina wants to find hers. It’s all simple and basic, but also effective, giving each of the characters driving motivations and causes to clash and collude with one another.

More to the point, *Pirates* is fun again! Screenwriter Jeff Nathan injects more of the classic levity into the script without overdoing it. Jack, more a member of the ensemble than a scene-stealer here, has his rapscallion wit back, and the show uses plenty of clever smash cuts and slick pirate skullduggery to bring the yuks. There’s a screwball energy between Carina and Henry which is entertaining, and Jack and Barbosa tweaking one another like old queens continues to be a hoot. It’s easier to enjoy even a lesser light in this franchise when it’s more focused on making you laugh than on upping the drama at every turn.

The one major detriment is that department is that the script barely hides an unpleasant sexist streak. Beyond a series of cheap wordplay gags about Carina being a “horologist”, Jack is more lewd here, and his reunion with Barbosa begins with the latter saving the former from a forced marriage to a homely lass who’s treated like yesterday’s hull scrapings. The film tries to make up for it by giving Carina the now-standard fascination with science, but it pales in comparison to the original, both in terms of how Elizabeth was treated and how it better walked the line between suggestion and directness vis-a-vis the bawdy elements of piracy.

Still, the film manages to reclaim the franchise’s visual acumen and a stellar array of set pieces, which help keep it entertaining even with the occasional cringey joke. The greatest achievement there is Captain Salazar and his men. Not only does the ghastly captain’s hair and epaulettes float and move in the open air as though they’re still under water, but each has a pallid, hollowed-out look about them to make your skin crawl. Their ship and collection of creatures match the same design approach, lending the whole production a half-there sense that makes them visually distinct even in the *Pirates* series’s substantial ship collection and bestiary.

*Dead Men Tell No Tales* likewise rekindles its predecessors’ penchant for superb sequences. A bank heist gone wrong, an execution gone haywire, and some cannon-hopping ship-to-ship combat reestablish the *Looney Tunes* energy that abounded in the first entry, finding silly scenarios to expend the film’s considerable budget and dazzle rather than dramatize.

And yet, there’s the slightest bit of heft here to give the film just a little ballast. While some members of the original cast are sidelined, the movie channels the curses and cyclical nature of many of the predicaments for added impact. Likewise, when he’s not chewing scenery with gleeful abandon, it’s easy to forget that Geoffrey Rush is an incredible dramatic actor, and he manages to wring genuine poignance in the film’s climax with just a few loving or remorseful looks. The drama isn’t really the point here for once -- this is a rollicking, silly, magic-filled adventure -- but what little we get is solid.

You could say the same for the film as a whole. Maybe after three films’ worth of barnacles and bilge rat leavings from the *Pirates* franchise, my expectations have been suitably lowered. Judged by the standard set by *Curse of the Black Pearl*, this fifth installment doesn’t even come within a cannonball’s distance of recapturing the magic.

But judged as its own piece, *Dead Men Tell No Tales* is unlikely to be anyone’s favorite entry in the series, but it’s the only one since 2003 liable to make you laugh, awe, and cheer at the trial and triumphs of our heroes. It is a roundly entertaining, if not quite ground-breaking dose of popcorn movie fun. That simplicity means its wave doesn’t crest quite as high as its originator, but it also doesn’t crash down as hard or as painfully as its other predecessors. If you want to set sail in the Caribbean once more, you could do much worse than this unexpectedly seaworthy vessel for the franchise’s charms.