As you might expect, a blockbuster disaster movie usually lives or dies by the quality of its special effects. Poseidon, perhaps embracing this sensibility, storms right out of the gates with its money shot, a flyby tour of the doomed ship's exterior from all angles that could be generously described as half as impressive as it sounds. The CG looks like a student reel, amateurish and fake with some goofy footage of soon-to-be hero Josh Lucas jogging the upper decks awkwardly crammed in. It's a downhill slide from there as a thin plot yields to the power of impressive post-production effects to bail it out, and that particular cavalry never manages to arrive.

A surprisingly star-studded cast struggles with one dimensional characters, banal "here's what I'm looking at" dialog and plot twists so by-the-book I was able to accurately predict each on-screen death. It's a bland, generic, cash-in of a remake that isn't even afforded the buoy of good eye candy. Don't bother.