Let's get the good out of the way first. Christopher Lee does his best with the nothing he's given, fitting genuine affability and remorse where he can. McGregor is _better_ as Obi-Wan even if it'll still take him one more movie to really feel comfortable in the role. "Good job!' is genuinely funny.

That's it for the good. Phantom Menace could at least entertain some kids for a few hours, even if it probably wouldn't stick with them. This doesn't even have that. Lucas' directing hamstrings the cast, who can't be blamed for their wooden delivery. RD-D2 and C-3PO's comic relief does not fit in at all. Dex's Diner is an incredibly jarring shift. The film has no idea what it's trying to say or go for. The fights are just silly. The 'mystery', the chase sequence, and the droid factory sequence all go on for too long with no real excitement.

And the _romance_. Star Wars, in all of its films, has not had a single good romance. Not one that it's stuck with, at least (RIP to Finn and Rey, Finn and Poe, and Finn and Rose). This is the one movie in the franchise to focus _primarily_ on it, and the result is abysmal. It literally starts with Padme telling Anakin he'll always be that little boy she knew on Tatooine. Not a great start! Combine that with the awkward and overwrought lines, the constrained acting, Anakin pursuing her even when she's made it clear she's uncomfortable with it, and the forgiveness of genocide, and you have a slog of a film. I can't even see kids having a fun time with this one, and that's the most damning slight of all.

**THE WACPINE OF ‘STAR WARS: EPISODE II – ATTACK OF THE CLONES’**

WRITING: 2
ATMOSPHERE: 4
CHARACTERS: 2
PRODUCTION: 4
INTRIGUE: 3
NOVELTY: 5
ENJOYMENT: 4

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**The Good:**

Christopher Lee is never bad in anything, and he brings much-needed experience and authority to this film.

The Jar Jar Binks scenes have been cut to a minimum.

The Geonosis sequence is long, but it's rewarding. The mega-battle at the arena and the duel with Dooku are high punts of the film. We finally see multiple Jedi in action.

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**The Bad:**

Let's get this straight. Hayden Christensen is atrociously awful from his first scene until his last scene in Revenge of the Sith. He is the definition of wooden, terrible and unnatural.

Natalie Portman is marginally better when compared to the phantom menace, but only when she is not forced to speak more than two lines.

I'm annoyed by how plastic-y and fake the surroundings look most of the time. The original trilogy and sequel trilogy managed to capture the gritty, flashy and futuristic much better, by mostly relying on partial effects and sets.

George Lucas cannot write dialogue. The lines he gives to his character, the leading ones, in particular, are so unnatural that not even a skilled actor like Ewan McGregor could pull them off without sounding overly theatrical or wooden.

George Lucas cannot write a compelling story, with drama, romance, comedy and action. Most of what he has written falls apart, either intentionally or because the actors cannot deliver what he wants without looking stupid. Lucas' world-building serves no real purpose and his secondary characters are just unnecessary chess pieces on an overstuffed chessboard.

Obi-Wan and Anakin's relationship is at the centre of the film, and it's terrible. Anakin is whiney and erratic and Obi-Wan is patient with him for no reason at all. It's pretty much given that Anakin goes and ruins everything with his childish tantrums.

What hurts me most is how Lucas has ruined Anakin's journey, He goes from bad to worse in no time, and we never see that true fall from grace that we had hoped for. He is annoying from the start.

This is also e of the stupidest political plots I've ever seen in anything. How could everyone be so stupid that they don't realize that Palpatine is slowly taking power?

The film is too long. By the time we arrive at the endgame, I'm already feeling fatigued.

Christopher Lee wasn't fit for lightsaber duels at age 80, which unfortunately shows since his presence during the final battle is very stiff whenever he's not replaced by his stunt double. The final battle lacks any of the epicness from the first film's climactic showdown.

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**The Ugly:**

Obi-Wan is pretty stupid. He had to see Yoda realize that Kamino was deleted from the planetary archive. A little child could see that. Come on!

Oh.

AND I DON'T LIKE SAND!

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**WACPINE RATING: 3.43 / 10 = 1,5 stars**

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Rewatching before OBI-WAN KENOBI.

I don't know if I dislike THE PHANTOM MENACE more or ATTACK OF THE CLONES less, but I didn't feel the (endless) problems of episode II as much as I - Jar Jar being left aside helps tremendously, thank God. Still, the issues are so many that I can't fit them in a single paragraph.

The dialogue is even worse in this one, mostly due to the cringeworthy romantic storyline between Anakin and Padmé. Some of the worst writing the big screen has ever witnessed. I'm usually quite defensive of acting performances, but Christensen is truly, deeply terrible here.

There are more lightsaber fights, but none come even close to Maul's sequence in TPM. Once again, the overreliance on CGI elements/characters doesn't help the action set pieces, despite the visuals overall improvement. The score makes most scenes "look" better than they are.

The screenplay is packed with logical inconsistencies, but it's the poor treatment of the all-powerful, wise Jedi that disappoints me. From their lack of awareness to the made-up, nonsensical rules about their ideology, I really don't know what Lucas had on his mind.

Finally, the editing yet again. ATTACK OF THE CLONES is longer than it should. Captivating, important sequences are cut too short, while dull, exposition-heavy scenes are carried on for too long. There's a good movie in here somewhere. I just can't find it. However...

Its positives somehow land better this time around. I find most of the action pretty solid. Anakin rescuing his mother is arguably one of the best scenes of the prequels. And again, less Jar Jar. I genuinely think it switches with THE PHANTOM MENACE ... at the bottom of my ranking, though.

Rating: D+

Better than 'Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace', though 'Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones' is again rather underwhelming - if still good on its own merits.

Liam Neeson is missed, with the likes of Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen and Christopher Lee failing to set the world alight. McGregor does give the best performance of that quartet; Christensen possibly the weakest, though his character's story is probably the most interesting - or its overall arc, at least.

Those onscreen aren't helped by the dialogue, which is very basic and run-of-the-mill. I found the score a little forgettable, even if it's still fun to hear the key pieces of it. The plot is watchable, but I did expect greater storytelling from these two follow-up releases to the original trilogy. The CGI is, marginally, an improvement on this film's predecessor.

I'm not a diehard _Star Wars_ fan. I've seen all the movies, seen them all more than once even, and I have my opinions, but when I see the way people talk about _Star Wars_ online, I can't really find myself behaving the way that "true fans" or whathaveyou do. That being said, I think that the majority of the _Star Wars_ films have been pretty good. The notable exception to this, for me at least, is the prequels. And yes you can include the animated _Clone Wars_ movie that they made in that era too. These four movies, again, for me, are all bad. But even amongst them, there is still a ranking in my mind, and in that list, at the very bottom sits _Attack of the Clones_. Yes it is this movie which holds the title, of the very worst Star Wars theatrical release of all time.

_Final rating:★½: - Boring/disappointing. Avoid where possible._