Ok, sure it was bland and cliché, but at least it was also totally offensive. A romance / period piece set in the rubble of post-war Germany? Seriously!? The French title (which translates as _Enemy Hearts_) is a better indicator of the rubbish that lies within. Here, wait, I have an even better one: _The Nazi and The Colonel's Wife: A Post-Holocaust Harlequin Romance_. Ffs.

[spoiler]To make matters even worse, there is absolutely no reason for the love affair! An English woman arrives in Germany 5 months after the war has ended with a hatred of the people who killed her son in a London bombing raid, and one scene after spewing bile on her German host, she's got her tongue so far down his throat she can tickle his schnitzel. One minute she's in the throes of grief and the next she's in the throws off her skirt to bang the first man she meets for no reason, no explanation and, like me on Saturday morning, no motivation. [/spoiler]

When making costume dramas, Keira Knightley has as much self-control as I do when it comes to men with hard nipples or all-you-can-eat Tex-Mex buffets. But as much as I'd be interested in seeing a film about Germany in the immediate aftermath of World War II, and that nation coming to terms with defeat and the stigma of the Nazis (whom some still supported), a romance set in this climate is an awful idea.

Hey, Keira Knightley, I have some better suggestions for your next period romance. Let me know what you think about _Posy and Pus: Crazy Plague Love_, _Genocide for Two_, or _Romancing the Stoning_?