i wrote a very long comment about how i feel about this movie that was about as garbage as the movie itself so i've decided to summarize that comment instead. here's what you need to know about this movie:

• it is unbelievably awful. not mediocre, just horrendous.
• yes, the actors of the crumb family are code switching between american and vague, inconsistent british accents. notice they mostly use the american accent around guests.
• this family is horrifying on many levels, but the whole killing people thing is the tamest part, which is probably why they let you know that part right out the gate with the synopsis.
• turn on closed captions to play a drinking game. every time the subtitles say [liquids gurgling] in the father's lab, take a shot. or take a very small sip of a shot, depending on your tolerance, i can't be responsible for alcohol poisoning.
• a character refers to sex as the horizontal mambo as if it's cool college slang
• imdb reviews suggest the cinematography and opening credits are excellent in this film. they are lying to you. the cinematography is painful and only camp-adjacent at best. the opening credits are what i believe is a halfhearted homage to 70s cult horror films.
• yes, the director of the film is one of the actors. no, it's not one of the college age kids. it's the older gentleman portraying a private investigator.

one thing makes this movie watchable and that's the issue of mediocrity in horror films. the genre is saturated with b rate stories and acting, and that gets boring, fast. the crumbs is legitimately awful at every turn, and somehow managed to bewilder me right up until the last moment with choices made in terms of every aspect of filmmaking. it's bad. but boy, it's really fucking bad, and i'm still marveling at how bad it is a week later.