Up front admission so you know where I'm coming from.. I have a high threshold for cheap / daft action films as my missus would confirm (if I had a £1 every time I heard "What on earth is this you watching" whilst I explain why she's being harsh on a Dolph Lundgren film because it was shot in two weeks for less than the catering budget of Bridgerton). At the end of a long day I like putting dumb action film on with a drink, I have seen most of the el cheapo Bruce Willis "acting via ear piece" films. In comparison to them however I feel like I've just rewarded the producers of this nonsense by handing over money for two tickets to see "Expend4bles" as the BBFC censorship card claimed it's official title to be.

Really not sure where to start but maybe the fact that I am reminded that the concept of Expendables was to bring together our favourite action stars for a swansong, 100 minutes of fun, yet Expend4bles decides to ignore this (Stallone and Lundgren have virtually few minutes screen time only) and leaves me only with a catch 22; we have the wonderful Iko Uwais and the amazing Tony Jaa (thumbs up to the pair for continuing to making us mortals feel inadequate by being physically awesome but also impressing with their crack at English adding speaking second language to their list) but then all that good will is totally undone by the acting void that is Megan Fox. For a series that prides itself on showcasing talent that their acting skill is secondary to everything else Fox manages to take home the least convincing, most cringe worthy award by a long stretch. Her character's introduction is jaw droppingly bad on the level of an Asylum production (Sharknado), when her second scene came around (which is the one in the trailer) I had to break my cinema golden rule and take a bog break just so I didn't have to watch the car crash any longer.

If I had to guess there was no real appetite to make a 4th film then all of a sudden producers found some money and production had a timeline; that's the only reason I can see an [allegedly] $100 million budget movie being this poorly written with such half assed digital work, it's further backed by director Scott Waugh who appeared to distance himself with the admission "I was blessed to have come on board the franchise four weeks before filming". Sorry but you're never going to get the best out of even the most veteran Director of you bring them on board weeks before filming.

Top 3 ridiculous moments 1) sneak attack in a helicopter in the opening. They must have created silencer technology to cover the blades and army of vehicles that followed it 2) Stallone being able to throw a 164kg Eddie "The Beast" Hall over a bar 3) 50 Cent distracting bad guys.... By playing a 50 Cent track. Guess it's as meta as the prior Expendables one liner call backs but made me laugh out loud nonetheless.

NB. There was a guy in our cinema who laughed at every moment anything happened.. Statham stabbed someone in the neck.. HA HA! Another ear joke.. HAHA! Someone's head explodes HAHA! There's at least one 10/10 imdb review heading online to even my thoughts out.

I just sit and imagine what you'd get out of Gareth Evans if you gave him $100 million and just Jaa and Uwais. Seriously I'm one of those action geeks that seriously thinks about just that....