The Meg.
Alternative title: Everything wrong with contemporary Hollywood in 2 hours.
Alternative title II: This one’s for you, China.

Without a doubt, the most excruciating watch of the year.
Now I know what you’re thinking: what about Fifty Shades Freed?
Well sure, but you can at least laugh at that, this is just one facepalm after the other.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: oh come on dude, just turn your brain off!
How about we stop having that mentality as the norm?
I can take a movie that doesn’t make a lot of sense, as long as it doesn’t insult my intelligence and/or is genuinly funny (e.g. Kingsman, or MI).
The Meg is neither.

The effects look like crap, and the acting, well, acting is a term used losely here, is fucking horrendous.
That latter point is mostly a result of the Chinese cast.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: RACIST!
I’m not, the point is that Chinese people are taught to communicate and emote differently through their own language, hence when they’re speaking in English, it’s not always convincing.

Overall, it’s loud, overblown, ugly, and poorly made.
And it’s too long, about 113 minutes too long.
Just shut up, Meg.

2/10

Ps: if you want a decent B movie starring a shark, watch 47 Meters Down, or The Shallows.

This movie feels a lot like Jaws even though it has different story line - the essence is the same.

Lots of cliches but if you see it with the mindset that you want to be entertained for couple of hours - go for it, otherwise you will not enjoy it. Nothing spectacular as far as cinematography goes, so don't waste your money on premium screenings. It has few jump scares, also [spoiler] people were eaten [/spoiler] (as it should be expected).

The prescreening that I attended was in 3D but besides couple of into your face moments the 3D didn't bring much to the table.

Surprisingly, there were a lot of funny jokes which made the movie more enjoyable.

Fun Fact: Something that I noticed and it bugged me a lot: after the intro of the movie there was a scene with a helicopter flying over the ocean, near cliffs. Whoever added the helicopter digitally was an amateur - the proportions were so bad. You could clearly see the ripples, the waves crushing into the cliff and if you've been near real ocean you can judge how close the camera to them is but the helicopter was so small that it looked the size of a drone when compared to the ocean ripples. They probably wanted to make it look like the helicopter was far in the distance and that the ocean is vast but it was a poor attempt. Reminds me of a stock photo from a reputable site that was a beach and palm trees. I enlarged the ocean water to use as a background (graphic design job) and I saw the pool tiles clearly - someone had stitched the photo. This helicopter was even worse!

“Well, I’m in trouble”

Jason Statham vs. giant shark - How’s that for a movie pitch. Ridiculous, but could be fun. And it was enjoyable, especially the last 20 minutes. Which shouldn’t be surprising the film swept at the box office and lives up to the concept of Statham fighting a 2.6 million year old, thought to be extinct shark. Just don’t be surprised if this becomes a meme in a few years.

The movie literally ends with a Thai version of ‘’Hey Mickey you’re so fine’.

Still, ‘The Meg’ was a lot of fun. Is it going to change cinema forever or give you a unique experience? Not really. It’s one of the dumbest movies of 2018, and yet, you can find some enjoyment out of it. You can even laugh at the corny scenes which was meant to be taken seriously. However, if I have to critique, I will gladly do so.

This movie lacks balance in tone and knowing what it’s trying to be. There’s horror elements when the Megalodon attacks. There’s comedic elements that stops it from being gloomy. There’s dumb popcorn fluff to keep things vibrant. And there’s suspense when the shark is near. All tones mashed together with uneven results. I didn’t find any of the humor that funny and the only time I chuckled was something unintentional.

The amount of charm Statham brings to the character already makes his presence likable. Too bad they didn’t give him any memorable one liners. You could pick out lines like “Chomp on this you ugly bastard.”, or “My god, it’s a Megalodon” - those are alright, although nothing will top “Smile you son of a b-”.

Every time there’s a death scene or somebody is going to die, it’s telegraphed and obvious. Supporting characters with very little screen time - They goners. Also, I’ve haven’t seen Masi Oka in anything for awhile and I was surprised to see him here. Loved him in ‘Heroes’. Man, they did him wrong here.

The CGI is OK, some of the acting wasn’t that good, and the overall experience feels like a water down blood-fest.

Jon Turteltaub (the director) openly said the original cut was brutal and "Horrifying, Disgusting". In interviews, Turteltaub expressed his disappointment that we won’t see this cut in cinemas. Which makes me wonder what the original cut was like, not just in violence, but how terrifying it might be. Will it add anything? Who knows. Could have taken an enjoyable dumb film into a bloody good time. Perhaps this generations “Deep Blue Sea”.

Overall Rating: Fin

It's nice to see a Shark-led Creature Feature that's actually got some money behind it, but _The Meg_ is still really nothing special.

_Final rating:★★½ - Had a lot that appealed to me, didn’t quite work as a whole._

Child friendly horror...

You have to take in to context the post release statements by director Jon Turteltaub and lead actor Jason Statham. The Meg is not the film they either read on the page or filmed as a course of grisly schlock entertainment. This was meant to be a proper schlocker, a bloodletting monster of the deep on the loose picture, sadly the suits at the helm didn't see that as a viable money making exercise and had this cut to be a "12" friendly bums on theatre seats cash grabber. Shame on them.

What we get is a run of the mill creature feature that although once viewed does not leave a lasting impression (was anyone really hoping for that anyway?), but is kind of fun in that time filling sort of way. It runs through the modern day creature feature playbook 101. So off we go with the hero having a troubled backstory, a money made funder out of his depth, ladies with life quandaries, a man who can't swim working in the middle of the ocean! and on we go. Throw in some quite awfully scripted dialogue and it's cheese sarnie time.

Statham is nearly always a good watch - in the muscle bound action hero kind of way - though you see the cracks between what the film was meant to be and what it ended up as. For you see that The Stath comes off as taking it all too seriously, which in this released cut is ridiculous. He's surrounded by no mark actors, though no short supply of beauty (Bingbing Li socko gorgeous/Ruby Rose hard sexy) and the narrative feeds us all the pointers of exactly where this will end up. There's a couple of nifty fun homages to Jaws, some decent suspense scenes, and the cinematography (Tom Stern) is pin sharp and pleasurable.

Best bet to enjoy this is to know it's a "12" rated friendly piece, to understand it has ultimately ended up as a same old same old monster movie. It's a million miles away from the class of Jaws, and lacks the tongue in cheek knowing of Deep Blue Sea, but it fills a gap in that undemanding time wasting way. 5/10