I was expecting what I always expect from gay stories. A lot of tragedy, internalized homophobia being supported through homophobic writing and directing, sexualization, some weird uncomfortable nonsense like Call Me By Your Name. I was EXPECTING this to make me say “okay. time to watch another one to see if this has any better rep.” I’m not a guy, I’m a bi woman, and I seek out representation as a bi woman. In any way I can. I wish I could see more gl that isn’t so disappointing and sexualized. Anyways, I just like to see aspects of myself explored. And I see that through any gender. I expected this to be stupid, careless at times, but ultimately, decent/useful but soulless representation. I did not fucking expect it to be this. This has to be one of my favorite memories. Watching this show, and realizing… I’m heard. And so are so many others like me. Not only just the queerness but the fucking artistic aspect. [spoiler]The prom scene caught me so off guard I cried immediately. [/spoiler]Because it was… so fucking perfect. Not them being together, even, but the beautiful mind of Karl. He’s an artist, and they show that lust for art. For writing, especially. As a writer myself, seeing a character have that passion… it broke me. Because I love writing and art and expression more than anything in this life. There were so many quotes that cracked me in half. [spoiler]“It’s not your fault” (when Karl and Vlad are talking about his coming out), when his uncle is speaking to him (that whole scene. a masterpiece.),[/spoiler] and so many others I can’t remember because I am tired because I binged this whole beautiful world into the early morning. This isn’t just a romance between men, it’s what I expect and what I deserve from the whole romance genre. And these writers are writers that deserve to be heard. The quotes at the end of the show were so important. None of this felt exploitative or predatory. Come to find out, the writer is gay himself. You can feel that. [spoiler]The whole talk with Anna at the end, when she explains that he wants to share his art, so why doesn’t he want to hear everyone else’s?[/spoiler] That was magnificent. I love every character. Vlad’s sister was… a lot. But to be honest, she’s an accurate representation of a new “ally”. Everything about this show is growth. Development. It’s methodical and delicate and each small detail adds to the full picture. This is probably the best bl series I have ever seen. I can’t think of things I didn’t like. Besides Vlad’s sister being creepy at times. But… miraculously… no weird attempts to appeal to the youth with insanity like misused slang or AAVE or god tiktok dances or some shit. No really weird phone details (though a few editing mistakes), JUST a normal story that felt so personal and special. So far I’ve seen 3 bl kdramas and this is the only one I came away from with the feeling of hope. For a future where I don’t have to worry about dancing with a girl. It’s the only one where I didn’t leave it going “oh, okay. Not bad I guess.” No, I sobbed. THERE IS TOO MANY GOOD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS SHOW. I will be rewatching it, for sure. God bless the way they combatted the internalized homophobia trope (it’s real of course but I hate the way it’s shown in most lgbt shows/movies) the internalized homophobia wasn’t romanticized or immediately erased the moment he accepted himself. It all flows so incredibly well. I’m in love with Anna. I loved her story. She’s also fucking gorgeous but… anyways, damn. This is like the second show out of all the thousands I have consumed that has made me burst into writing mode. At least in a good way. I love to criticize tv and movies, but this one has a soul. Every fucking detail… perfect. I’m in love with this show. Thank god I made it through all of the grief of life and also life as a queer person to be able to smile at a queer story because it made me feel like I deserve to be who I am. I’m sorry this is long winded. I am just amazed that this gem exists beneath all the shitty queer rep I have forced myself to believe was the best it would get for a long time. Thanks? I don’t know who I’m thanking. I just feel thankful.

Edit: and thank fucking god the actors didn’t act like they were so deeply uncomfortable playing a gay character. There’s nothing I hate more than seeing how dejected actors will get having to be close to a guy. Their body language gets all stiff but god damn, these brilliant actors just EXISTED as their characters. They have EMPATHY. You’d think it would be a no-brainer but damn it’s not something all that common.