M*A*S*H

Klinger buys a goat, with the intention of getting rich by selling it's milk. Then the goat eats the 4077th's $22,340 payroll, leaving paymaster Hawkeye holding the bag. Meanwhile, Charles also thinks he can make a killing when he sees an ancient vase.

After losing to the Marines once again, Colonel Potter wishes there was one sport the 4077th were any good at. When Klinger mentions he can bowl, the Colonel decides to have a bowling competition. Unfortunately, he and Klinger are the only 2 good bowlers in the camp, so BJ and Father Mulcahy are "recruited" to the team. Colonel Potter becomes obsessed with winning the game, and excludes Margaret from the team because she helped the team lose at softball. Then the 4077th team hear the Marines have got a "ringer" in their team after pulling some strings..... Meanwhile, Hawkeye finds out his father is in hospital and tries to speak to him over the phone, watched by Charles, who envies Hawkeye's close relationship with his father.

Winchester, Pierce, and Hunnicutt find themselves in the sticky position of having to decide which enlisted men to recommend for promotion. For Winchester it could be a matter of life and death.

Potter sends for Sidney Freedman when he loses confidence in his surgical abilities, and Winchester loses patience with his bunkmates' sloppiness.

An AWOL soldier, Nick Gillis, seeks sanctuary in the mess tent, after Father Mulcahy's service. At the same time, a special Sunday brunch is due to be served, following the donation of some eggs to the camp by a grateful farmer.

Margaret's birthday plans are spoiled when she and Klinger get stranded on a desolate roadside. Meanwhile, Charles gives a lecture for Margaret, and the surgeons assist in the delivery of a calf.

To boost post-yuletide morale on Dec 26, Potter has the officers and enlisted men change places for the day.

The military police think they've solved a rash of thefts at the 4077th when they apprehend Klinger with Hawkeye's stolen camera.

On the eve of a big poker game, B.J.'s pride is bruised when he finds out his wife is working as a waitress. And Potter takes driving lessons from Klinger.

The latest scuttlebutt affects everyone's behavior when a visitor is rumored to be recruiting for a new M*A*S*H unit. The gang fears that the 4077th will be split up.

A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation. And wouldn't you know, the comedian is Klinger's hero!

After Charles is nearly felled by a sniper's bullet, he develops a philosophical obsession with death. Meanwhile, the officers have all been assigned new responsibilities.

Hawkeye is overcome by the devotion of a terminally ill G.I., who has leukemia, for his critically wounded buddy, but he has trouble coming to terms with the fact that he can't cure the man. Meanwhile, Father Mulcahy is worried about the impending visit of a Cardinal.

Colonel Potter nearly blows his stack when his well-intentioned colleagues mollycoddle him in order to lower his blood pressure.

Winchester is sent to inspect sanitary conditions on the frontlines, while the rest of the camp plans a surprise anniversary party for B.J.

Klinger's army newspaper reports on Hawkeye's monument to military stupidity; a giant tower made from a half million erroneously shipped tongue depressors.

Klinger saves Winchester's life when an explosion rocks the operating room; and B.J. is reluctant to reveal the extent of his injuries after the blast.

Winchester takes command during Potter's absence; and B.J. and Hawkeye try to convince the Marines to grant a hardship discharge to an immigrant soldier, Private Jost Van Liter.

On New Year's Eve, the staff looks back on the highlights of 1951: The doctors invent an artificial kidney machine; Mulcahy plants a garden; Margaret takes up knitting; and Klinger and Winchester bet on which baseball team will win the pennant.

Margaret has trouble pretending she's a chip off the old block when her dad, blood and guts "Howitzer" Al Houlihan, arrives for a visit. Also, Hawkeye fixes up a soldier who repays them with a large side of steak, but the general who it belongs to is really steamed.

Members of the 4077th share their impressions of war in response to letters from fourth graders in Hawkeye's hometown. Margaret writes about how there are some patients she will never forget, whilst the Colonel tells of his days as 'Hoops' Potter. Hawkeye: "Dear Ronnie, it's a shame to let the love you have for your brother turn to hate for others. Hate makes war, and war is what killed Keith. I understand how you feel. Sometimes I hate myself for being here. But sometimes in the midst of all this insanity, the smallest thing can make my being here seems worthwhile. Maybe the best answer I have for you is that you look for good wherever you can find it."

A no-nonsense Colonel, who is notorious as a hard-nosed disciplinarian, visits the 4077th during an outbreak of April Fools' Day pranksterism. Colonel Potter tries in vain to halt the mayhem before Colonel Tucker arrives in camp.

B.J. finds himself attracted to a famous war correspondent, Aggie O'Shea, who has fallen in love with him.

Klinger redecorates his quarters, but the resultant ridicule he receives drives him to new heights in his efforts to get out of the Army. Meanwhile, the doctors are perplexed by the reaction of an Asian-American war hero who tries to kill himself when he's told that he will be going home. Sidney Freedman is called in to assist.

Tired of their constant complaints about the quality of recreational activities at the 4077th, Colonel Potter appoints Hawkeye and B.J. as the new morale officers. Winchester's morale has already reached a new peak: He's ecstatic about his operation on a wounded soldier, Sheridan, which saved the boy's leg, leaving only "negligible" side effects - less use of his right hand. However, the soldier was a concert pianist before the war, so Winchester obtains music written by Maurice Ravel for a pianist that had lost a hand in World War I.

Colonel Potter turns crotchety when he catches the mumps, and his condition is worsened when Winchester gets the same disease and has to be quarantined with him. A temporary replacement surgeon, Newsome, is quickly brought into the 4077th and seems to be a gem in terms of both personality and ability.

A baby born to a Korean woman and an American GI is abandoned at the 4077th. Knowing that Amer-Asian children are often mistreated in Korean society, the troop sets about the frustrating task of finding a new home for the infant.

A brawl at Rosie's Bar puts Rosie in the hospital, and the 4077th doctors are pressed into service as temporary saloon-keepers. Meanwhile, Father Mulcahy is apprehensive that his long-pending promotion to captain will again be denied. Potter: "The Pentagon. Weird looking building. Four walls and a spare. Monument to Murphy's Law."

Hawkeye and BJ race against the clock to save a soldier from paralysis. BJ harvesting an aorta from a dead soldier doesn't sit well with the soldier's friend.

Charles returns to the 4077th after a trip to Tokyo with an uncharacteristic hangover and the uneasy feeling of a romantic entanglement. Meanwhile, the hospital struggles to find a cure for an outbreak of deadly hemorrhagic fever.

A beautiful and ambitious young nurse, Harris, who plans to become a doctor when she leaves the Army, finds herself in a misunderstanding with Father Mulcahy. Meanwhile, the camp's water supply is depleted, and the rest of the 4077th is more concerned about where their next shower will come from.

As company clerk Radar O'Reilly reluctantly prepares to depart the 4077th, the unit is still without electricity due to a broken generator, and the operating room continues to fill up with war wounded as night falls. The responsibility for procuring a new generator falls on Klinger, who lacks Radar's masterful knack of cutting through red tape in search of much-needed supplies.

The arrival of a wounded Korean woman sparks a conflict at the 4077th: Hawkeye wants to heal her, but a steely ROK officer, Lt. Park, is more anxious to "question" her about alleged guerilla activities.

A clumsy foot soldier, 'Look out below' Conway, finds the quickest way to the crew's heart, boosting morale at the 4077th by cooking gourmet delights. Only Colonel Potter, burdened with a personal crisis, is immune from the high spirits enveloping the hospital.

Talk of a post-war reunion gives BJ an idea- planning a present-day stateside gathering of 4077th families. He continues to obsess with the idea even under the duress of bug-out instigated by a Chinese breakthrough. Also, Klinger fears that the party will blow his cover, as his mother doesn't know he's stationed in Korea.

A typical day in the life of Rosie's bar, complete with AWOL problem drinkers, a bound and gagged Winchester, and a gambling scheme.

The sinister Colonel Flagg pops up at the 4077th again, playing his usual spy games, convinced that Hawkeye is a communist sympathizer, after he saves the life of a North Korean soldier. Also, an American soldier is less than impressed.

Radar, who is smitten with the cute new nurse, Linda Nugent, relies on Hawkeye's expertise on how to cope with the situation. Hot Lips, meanwhile, celebrates her just-granted divorce by taking a step that arouses Colonel Potter's ire.

The 4077th is confronted by two crises: Colonel Potter's mare, Sophie, mysteriously disappears from her corral, and Hawkeye and B.J. find themselves with a young Korean boy on their hands, who is trying to avoid conscription into the Army.

B.J. almost becomes the surrogate father to a Korean family. Finding them a substitute for his own absent family, B.J. spends so much time with them that his medical efficiency begins to suffer, and Hawkeye worries about his health. B.J.: "First they take me from my wife and kid, and just when I find something to help fill the gap, they take that away, too."

Father Mulcahy takes being passed over for promotion philosophically until he hears of the rapid advancement made by a heroic helicopter pilot. Then his uncharacteristically bold actions stun Colonel Potter and the entire company.

Hawkeye and B.J. discover that Charles is living the life of Riley, thanks to the attentions of his menially paid Korean servant, Comrade Park, a man of unusual skills. He has an important contribution to make - a native remedy for a seemingly insoluble medical problem.

While everyone is complaining about the record cold snap, Charles becomes the most unpopular man in camp, when his parents send him a winter-ized polar suit that he insists on flaunting in front of everyone.

A strong windstorm affects the M*A*S*H personnel in varying ways: Hawkeye and most of the unit busy themselves securing items that could blow away; Radar prepares his animal hutch for the worst; a disgusted Charles switches his Tokyo-leave transportation from air to ground, and runs into a difficult medical situation en route to Seoul.

Charles becomes so irate, when he is turned down for a future medical position at home, that he refuses to talk to anyone in the unit, until Hawkeye and B.J. send him a false telegram from home. Meanwhile, a young soldier, Jerry Wilson, can't remember his own identity, so Sidney Freedman is called for help.

Colonel Potter meets a female soldier of the same age and interests as himself, named Lil. The others in the camp think that he might be cheating on Mildred, even though his friendship with Lil is completely platonic. Meanwhile Hawkeye tries to find out what B.J.'s initials stand for. As it turns out, he was named after his parents, Bea and Jay Hunnicutt.

Hawkeye undergoes a drastic change when he becomes temporary commander of the 4077th, and learns about the tedious bureaucracy and accompanying headaches that Colonel Potter deals with daily.

The doctors have to deal with a short supply of morphine and too many patients while klinger has to deal with a corporal who may be crazier than him -- he shoots down imaginary enemies.

When bad reports are filed at headquarters, Col. Potter contemplates retirement.

After a delay of three weeks, five sacks of mail arrive, and everyone in camp reacts to good and bad news from home. Hawkeye receives love letters addressed to another Benjamin Pierce, another man has approached B.J.'s wife, and Radar's mom has found a boyfriend. Klinger: "I may not have a family in Toledo, but I got one here."

With the arrival of a shipment of records, Radar plays the part of a disc jockey and helps to get everyone through the incredibly long deluge of wounded.

In need of a special surgical clamp, Hawkeye and B.J. hire Mr. Shin, a local jewelry dealer, to make it. Days later the clamp is used to save the leg of a wounded soldier. Mr. Shin goes into the surgical supply business.

After Charles hands B.J. two hundred dollars, he begins to take advantage. Everyone gets together and persuades Charles to play poker. He has incredible beginner's luck until Radar discovers that Charles whistles loudly when he bluffs. They all win back their money and then some.

Lost behind enemy lines, Hawkeye and Margaret form a personal truce and seek shelter in a roadside hut.

Colonel Potter, deciding that the camp is out of shape, enforces a calisthenics course. When nobody is enjoying it, he makes it fun by splitting the camp into two teams. These teams compete for three day R&R passes. Klinger tries to get out of the army by getting fat.

Charles plans a scheme to get rich when he discovers that blue scrip is going to be exchanged for red. Hawkeye and B.J. outsmart him, and he is left holding the worthless scrip. Klinger tries to get into West Point so that he can get out of Korea.

With supplies low, the 4077th gets a truckload of ice cream churns and salt tablets. But what it needs are light bulbs, and in the dimly lit post-op Charles makes an error for which he draws the ultimate wrath of his two surgeon bunkmates. Meanwhile, B.J. receives a mystery novel that everyone in camp reads in turn. The last page is missing and the solution to the mystery is undiscovered until B.J. calls the author by long distance.

The 4077th, caught up in tension and nerves, creates a bonfire to release their pressure. Meanwhile, Sidney Freedman is depressed over a young soldier who blames him for his injuries, because Freedman had sent him back into combat.

Radar has always looked up to Hawkeye and admired him as his hero. But after suffering a Jeep accident en route to R&R at Hawkeye's behest. Radar questions his own hero worship. Particularly when he and his hero have a falling out.

Pressured by Frank, Margaret decides to marry Colonel Donald Penobscott at the 4077th. When Donald arrives in camp, he is treated to a bachelor party and a practical joke while the nurses give Margaret a bridal shower.

Hawkeye and BJ try to stop a chopper pilot from selling souvenirs derived from war materials derived from locals facing danger getting them, and Klinger becomes a pole-sitter in his latest attempt to get a Section Eight.

General Korshak wants Hawkeye to be his personal practitioner, despite his constant snottiness. And Radar helps take care of a soldier's half-Korean baby after he is shipped back home.

B.J. falls off the fidelity wagon while trying to provide consolation to a nurse whose marriage has just ended. But will he confess his infidelity to his wife?

The 4077th hosts a traditional Korean wedding, much to Frank's objections. And Colonel Potter runs into an old friend who has put his troops in jeopardy so that he could receive a promotion.

Radar becomes an aspiring writer after ordering a flier from a comic book, and Hawkeye and B.J. give Frank a surprise birthday present that only he will appreciate.

To save the life of an elderly local who rejects an operation because he believes bad spirits surround the 4077th, Colonel Potter permits a Korean exorcism.

Hawkeye and Potter provide assistance at a Korean clinic, and run into an enemy attack on the way home. Meanwhile, Klinger begins posing as a Gypsy to help get his discharge papers.

Father Mulcahy, troubled by his lack of experience at the front, insists on accompanying Radar for an errand there.

Margaret takes off in the middle of the night to help deliver a Korean baby. Nobody knows of her whereabouts, and Colonel Flagg is brought in to help investigate her disappearance.

Following an offer of promotion made by Master Sergeant Woodruff at a poker game, Radar is promoted to the rank of lieutenant. Finding this position awkward, Radar opts to return to his position as an enlisted man.

Margaret, calling from Tokyo, holds the camp in suspense until she returns with the news of her engagement to Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott. Frank Burns takes the news hard and arrests a Korean family as spies.

Clete Roberts introduces this segment as his show; he's arrived at Korea to interview the staff of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital because of its high 97% efficiency rating. In Roberts' interviews with Hawkeye, BJ, Frank, Radar, Klinger, Mulcahy and Potter, they talk about how they cope with their situation, what they miss about home, how they feel about who they work with, and whether they see any good in coming from war.

Hawkeye is reunited with a woman he thought was out of his life forever, but who never altogether leaves.

Frank has Hawkeye up on charges of mutiny, for usurping his authority when Potter was away on leave, and Frank was the C.O. The Judge Advocate, Colonel Carmichael, tries the case; BJ, Potter, and Radar are in attendance of the preliminary hearing to offer support for Hawkeye. There are several versions of what happened: according to Frank, he was trying to hold the 4077th together during heavy casualties when everyone else was falling apart; according to The Eye Of The Hawk, BJ and Radar, it was Frank who was out of control with his regimen. Finding no evidence of the alleged mutiny, the judge drops all charges against Hawkeye and puts Frank in his place (but will he stay there?!).

Hawkeye is injured in a jeep accident and, aware he has a concussion, babbles to a Korean family to keep himself awake.

Radar writes home to his mother, as Hawkeye conducts the camp foot inspection, and Colonel Potter gets some shrapnel in his backside.

Mail brings a letter to Frank saying his wife is divorcing him, and one to Potter telling him he's going to be a grandfather.

Frank has a fever and makes a will, leaving all his money to his wife and all his clothes to Hot Lips.

B.J. writes home to his wife, Peg, reporting Klinger's escape attempts, the visit of a formidable chaplain, and one of Frank's goof-ups.

The 4077th plays host to kids bombed out of their orphanage, and at the same time has to deliver a baby and care for battle casualties.

Radar is driving Hawk, B.J., Sherman, and Frank in a bus back from a "medical conference" when they get lost. They stop to see if they can find anything they recognize. When they decide to turn around, they find that the bus does not want to start. Radar goes off in the middle of the night for the latrine, and does not immediately return. Stricken, Hawkeye wants to set out to find him, only to be stopped by Sherman. An injured Korean surrenders to get medical help from Hawk and B.J.. Upon Radar return, the Korean helps repair the bus and get them out of danger.

When Hawkeye's father is notified that he's dead, he finds it's no easy matter either to get word to him or to establish otherwise.

Frank settles in as commanding officer, only to have a new one appointed over his head, one that, to his chagrin, fits in very well.

Everyone is happy when Henry finds out that he is being discharged and sent home, and Hawkeye and Trapper decide to literally send him off in style...

Frank buys two sets of pearls, one for Margaret and one for his wife. After some talk, Radar gets Hawkeye $3,000 in lost earnings, Hawkeye gives it to Mulcahy for the orphans, but then the army wants the money back. Trapper wins big at poker after using Hawkeye's watch as a stake, so Hawkeye takes his winnings to avoid a stay in the honeymoon suite of The Stockade Hilton.

Hawkeye and Trapper prevent a GI from marrying a call girl who has TB, whilst trying to help a Korean soldier join his pregnant wife. Radar, of course, provides his usual invaluable help.

Hawkeye is accused of hitting Frank and is placed under house arrest pending a court-martial. Meanwhile. Margaret is nervous about a visit from a meticulous female colonel.

Camp activities include Henry's nervous delivery of a sex lecture, with Hawkeye's and Trapper's heckling, a Shirley Temple movie, and a cookout.

A Greek Colonel thanks the 4077th by giving them food and drink for an Easter celebration. But the feast is foiled when softhearted Radar saves the main course from the spit - a lamb, which Radar tricks Henry into giving a medical discharge and sends home to Ottumwa, Iowa. Thus, Hawkeye and Trapper invent the famed Spam Lamb! Meanwhile, a soldier who had shot himself to get out of the army confesses to Frank, thinking he is Father Mulcahy.

Hawkeye records a letter to his dad, detailing the exploits of a mad Turkish soldier who calls Hawkeye a "damn good Joe," the unfortunate loss of the corpse of a Luxembourg soldier (who turns out not to be dead), Lt. Henri-Batiste LeClerc, and of a gun-happy officer.

The nurses are evacuated when the threat of an enemy parachute drop arises. Hawkeye and Trapper try to enliven everyone's spirits whilst they are gone. Hawkeye: "The plot thins. Watch the cake sue for malpractice when Frank cuts into it."